Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
