dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
