i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
