theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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