Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
