Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
