This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need to calm my uterus...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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