I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
