U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
