I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
