the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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