I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
