I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
