i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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