Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
