you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
