Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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