she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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