That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
