Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
