she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
