it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
