I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
