is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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