I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
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Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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