I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
