Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
