I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
