I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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