Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize