My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
