Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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