And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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