My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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