yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
