I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
