I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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