I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
