As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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