The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
