that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
