Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
