WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
