I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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