I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
