my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
