Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
