He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
