just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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