She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
