I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
