i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
