Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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