Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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