i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
