the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
