Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
