went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
