the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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