better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I have post one night stand depression
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
