She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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