Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
