I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
this just has baby written all over it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
