I want to stick my p in your. b.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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