I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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