I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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