The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
