Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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