Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
