Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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