So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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