Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
