If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
