you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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