dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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