I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
