I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
