i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
